broken

Am I just a broken person? Do people just look at me and say "Oh, there's broken-ass Dan. No need to do anything with that guy. Fuckin' broken Dan."

So we go to a girl's birthday party tonight. Quinn, Goku, Leroi, and myself. We are sitting there. We are having a few drinks. We chat with a few people and it's fun. Yeah, cool, fun times. A girl sits down across from me. I say hello, introduce myself, ask her about herself, yeah cool, neat, whatever. Next fucker comes up, sits next to me, does the exact same things I do in the exact same fucking way and the girl is instantly intrigued.

What is it? Really?

What is it that I'm not getting. I exuded a healthy amount of confidence and was able to chat and stuff, why'd he get the girl?

Drunk broad sits down next to me. She starts chatting with me and I'm being talkative and polite, she just has fun talking. Guy walks past me and she looks at me and goes, "Hahaha, I thought you were my friend I came here with. Later random guy."

...

What the hell do I wake up for?
Why the hell do I do what I'm doing to sustain myself?
Why. The fuck. Don't. I. Just. Stop.

I wanted to die tonight.

Why?

I am living for myself for a job at circuit and aspirations to make fucking video games. That's goddamn pathetic. If I look outside of the scope of myself, I'm living for the needle-in-a-haystack chance that the girl I love but can't have comes back to me.

Why the fuck don't I just stop.

I should drive over a fucking cliff.

I hate everything about the shit that makes me appear so goddamn mediocre.
I hate the people that don't give me a fucking chance.
I hate the way this shit always goes down.

I should drive over a fucking cliff.