Update

I'm realizing that this blog was largely a vain attempt at getting Danielle's attention, and I've learned since then.

What's up.

There's so much more out there. What's the point in letting one single, series, or arena of failures rule your life? Find something better and win at it.

That's all there is to it.

defeat

what's the fucking point of living a life of defeat?

where are you?

if you're out there God, give me someone or take me away from everyone else.

Just make me stop being lonely, or go ahead and just crush my skull with your giant-ass magnifying glass already.

I am tired of being alone.

broken

Am I just a broken person? Do people just look at me and say "Oh, there's broken-ass Dan. No need to do anything with that guy. Fuckin' broken Dan."

So we go to a girl's birthday party tonight. Quinn, Goku, Leroi, and myself. We are sitting there. We are having a few drinks. We chat with a few people and it's fun. Yeah, cool, fun times. A girl sits down across from me. I say hello, introduce myself, ask her about herself, yeah cool, neat, whatever. Next fucker comes up, sits next to me, does the exact same things I do in the exact same fucking way and the girl is instantly intrigued.

What is it? Really?

What is it that I'm not getting. I exuded a healthy amount of confidence and was able to chat and stuff, why'd he get the girl?

Drunk broad sits down next to me. She starts chatting with me and I'm being talkative and polite, she just has fun talking. Guy walks past me and she looks at me and goes, "Hahaha, I thought you were my friend I came here with. Later random guy."

...

What the hell do I wake up for?
Why the hell do I do what I'm doing to sustain myself?
Why. The fuck. Don't. I. Just. Stop.

I wanted to die tonight.

Why?

I am living for myself for a job at circuit and aspirations to make fucking video games. That's goddamn pathetic. If I look outside of the scope of myself, I'm living for the needle-in-a-haystack chance that the girl I love but can't have comes back to me.

Why the fuck don't I just stop.

I should drive over a fucking cliff.

I hate everything about the shit that makes me appear so goddamn mediocre.
I hate the people that don't give me a fucking chance.
I hate the way this shit always goes down.

I should drive over a fucking cliff.

the deal

What the hell is wrong with me.

I can't close the deal.

lol thinkin' songs

The Format, "The First Single"

I can't stand to think about a heart so big it hurts like hell
Oh my god I gave my best but for three whole years to end like this
Well do you want to fall apart? I can't stop if you cant start
Do you want to fall apart? I could if you can try to fix what I've undone
Cause I hate what I've become

Anberlin, "Adelaide"

You're repeating me lines that you think I wanna hear
But I don't wanna hear anymore
As if sorry is any consolation
For what it's worth, you're stringing me along
Sh sh shouldn't need anyone
Shouldn't need anyone
Just scared of being alone
But by the time you figure this out
And I'm already gone

Adelaide, Adelaide, you really had me going this time
Adelaide, Adelaide, you need to quit, quit making a scene
Adelaide, Adelaide, you really had me going this time
Adelaide, Adelaide, you need to quit, quit making a scene

You keep giving me signs that you think I wanna see
But you're nothing like you seem
Hide behind your half smile
But the truth is so undeniable
Sh sh shouldn't need anyone
Shouldn't need anyone
Just scared of being alone
But by the time you figure this out
And I'm already gone

Adelaide, Adelaide, you really had me going this time
Adelaide, Adelaide, you need to quit, quit making a scene
Adelaide, Adelaide, you really had me going this time
Adelaide, Adelaide, you need to quit, quit making a scene

Like lipstick traces on pillow cases
Some things in life are unforgettable
Like love, loss, lies and us and woh ohh
Some things in life are undeniable

Like lipstick traces on pillow cases
Some things in life are unforgettable
Like love, loss, lies and us and woh ohh
Some things in life are undeniable


Cute is What we Aim For, "Risque"


I got birds in my ears
And a devil on my shoulder
And a phone to the other
And I can't get a hold of her
And what's a crush to do?
And what's a crush to do when he can't get through?

Medically speaking you're adorable
And from what I hear you're quite affordable
But I like them pricey
So exaggerate and t-t-t-t-t-t-trick me
Pretty please, just trick me
Pretty please

I got birds in my ears
And a devil on my shoulder
And a phone to the other
And I can't get a hold of her
And what's a crush to do?
And what's a crush to do when he can't get through?

I'm obsessed and stressed with this mess
I can't think of things
To write down, to type down
And these fingertips are moving faster than these lips
So you can only imagine how jealous my mouth is
So you can only imagine how jealous my mouth is

I got birds in my ears
And a devil on my shoulder
And a phone to the other
And I can't get a hold of her
And what's a crush to do?
What's a crush to do?

I got birds in my ears (I got birds in my ears)
And a devil on my shoulder (And a devil on my shoulder)
And what's a crush,
And what's a crush to do?

Ahhh...
I turn on a dime, spin me around
So you can shine, shine right now
We'll even have a crowd
We'll make this purchase count

Medically speaking you're adorable
And from what I hear you're quite affordable
But I like them pricey
So exaggerate and t-t-t-t-t-t-trick me

I got birds in my ears (birds in my ears)
And a devil on my shoulder (devil on my shoulder)
And what's a crush to do?
What's a crush to do?

I got birds in my ears (I got birds in my ears)
And a devil on my shoulder (And a devil on my shoulder)
And what's a crush,
and what's a lush to do?

I got birds in my ears (I got birds in my ears)
And a devil on my shoulder (And a devil on my shoulder)
And what's a crush,
and what's a lush to do when he can't get through?






Heh.

Songs that get me thinkin' :)

Super Secret Encrypted Message.

Just kidding.

I'm not encrypting it.

Danielle,

First off, I wrote this as a blog so it's not sent into your email which you probably check on a regular basis. I thought to be fair and give you the choice of whether or not to see it, I'd post it as a blog.

It was good to hear your voice tonight. Thanks for the update. I'll definitely be praying for (insert-Asian-kid-who-I-remember-but-who's-name-I-forget's name here) for his cancer. I appreciate the call.

I'm happy for you at Baskin Robbin's. This is one step closer to you getting a set of super-rad ultamo-awesome wheels for you to cruise around in in Ne-Carson-City-Reno-Vegas-vada. Keep at it, but also don't listen to them when they ask you to test all the flavors. Your diet was going good, don't let ice cream, you're long-time-lover, beat you to the punch.

On the more serious side, I'd love to hear your voice again. It's the 27th and I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns and not going to Vegas. I'd love to talk to you from time to time whenever you're comfortable just to be a voice of encouragement, because I want this for you just as much as you want this for you. It's funny too, because last night and all day today I was thinking about you a lot. You just happened to call me just as song 14 came on and that destiny tingle started itching in the style of your sun-glasses (that, for your own referance, is a girly, tickly, itch... and it made me feel a little less manly). Sighs and sighs. I wont bug you about it, and I know your time is your time, but I'd love to hear your voice.

I hope all's well. If you want to email me or something in response to this, please do. Talk to you (hopefully) soon.

-Dan